I have a front-row seat to empathy these days, and not only in the context of a global pandemic. On February 20, 2020, I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. On March 2, I had extensive surgery. By the time I came home from the hospital, the country had begun going into lockdown. Travel became impossible. Non-essential services, like cold caps to help preserve hair during chemotherapy, were discontinued. Visitors were not allowed in hospitals. On March 30, I walked into chemo alone. You might think this experience would breed lots of fear, and its companion, anger. It did, at first.
Then came the outpouring of love.
Deeply empathic and varied responses from family, friends, neighbors, colleagues—even strangers who are friends now—were swift and overwhelming. Not just for me, but for my husband and children. How do people help someone who is fighting a serious illness in the middle of a global pandemic? Like this:
• Friends and family who already knew too much about ovarian and other cancers understood the journey I was about to take. They gently but swiftly guided me in big and small ways…
o Helping discern a team of doctors and alternative healers.
o Choosing super-soft cozy nightgowns that would hug me in the difficult weeks after surgery…cute hats, scarves, and halo wigs that are helping me say goodbye (for a while) to my hair.
o Sharing their survival stories, as well as empathizing with the hard parts.
• Healthy broths and fresh-pressed juices arrived just in time to sustain me when eating really wasn’t an option.
• Healthy food came after that and before lockdown…and people were so careful to ensure that it was clean, safe, and delicious. They fed me. They fed my family. We don’t all eat the same food; this is like a Chopped challenge! So many winners.
• Beautiful flowers. So many.
• Cards – heartfelt and touching. And then there are friends who send funny cards because laughter is great medicine. I can still laugh. I have a stack of homemade cards with carefully curated sayings. I shuffle through them to get new inspiration. Pictured above is one of my favorites.
• Shawls and blankets arrived because people have heard their friends talk about how cold they get when they receive chemo. So you see, I was not actually alone as I walked into chemo. I was enveloped in virtual embraces.
• Cookbooks! Does anyone else out there read them for fun? My friends know I do.
• Books! About the evolution of the soul, radical remission, and a woman who delivers books throughout the mountains of Kentucky (because distraction is good too).
• Meditation/positive visualization tips, tricks, and apps. I’m a certified yoga teacher who has tried in earnest to meditate through the years. Serious illness has a way of solidifying resolution.
• Open-minded, curious doctor friends who check in to help me safely navigate the world of Western medicine, while finding the best of what alternative medicine has to offer.
• Calls, texts, virtual healing sessions…people have offered everything they could with patience, understanding, and unusual talent.
• One generous neighbor even shared her ration of toilet paper!
These are just some of the ways I have felt held, even when I can’t be hugged.
The epicenter of empathy now is the same as always: here at home. This pandemic is awful in so many ways, especially for people who live in economic insecurity or in homes that are not peaceful or functional. In some ways though, we are benefitting from the fact that empathy is a contact sport.
Going through a major illness is a strangely intimate experience for a couple. My husband of 20 years has been a rock and a soft landing place all at the same time. Our kids have turned the tables and are cooking healthy, yummy food. They provide me with all the inspiration I need to stick around into old age. I’m grateful for this time we have together as a family—especially with teenagers, who would rather be with friends but are enjoying playing euchre, doing puzzles, watching movies, and sitting by the fire with Mom and Dad anyway.
While I don’t recommend anyone paying such a high price for this front-row seat, I am watching a show of humanity that is leaving me richer and better than I was before. I have seen the way friends have been transformed by their own cancer journeys. Too many of us share this experience. But that’s a topic for another time. For now, I’m swimming in currents of empathy, and the water is beautiful.
Thanks to Elizabeth Brown for editing this post.
Thanks to Steph Hofner for her wonderful cards, including the photo here.
For more, check out my book Currency of Empathy: The Secret to Thriving in Business and LIfe
Jackie, I had no idea. Your strength, outlook and willingness to be open are so very inspiring. I love the support you are receiving. ❤️ Sending you lots of love and prayers for healing and recovery. Lynne
Thank you, Lynne! it’s relatively new and this is the first time I’ve been able to write about it. It felt good.
I am warmed by your words and Steph’s inspirational note card.
You’re fierce too, sister! Thanks for reading and leaving a note Lee Ann. Stay safe and well!
Thank you and bravo for opening us to education, vulnerability and healing. Prayers said and shall continue.
They are working, Joni! Thank you and Jim for being her for me/us, in every way. xo
Thank you Jackie for this inspiration and your courage! Be well and keep spreading calm.
Thank you, Deborah! I look forward to the good work of discussing your book, Some of My Friends Are…., soon!
Jackie, All beautiful and inspiring words. You are a very strong person. I know you will come out of this even stronger and write a book about your experience to help others.
Thinking of you, Jackie. I look forward to bumping into you at Whole Foods in the not so distant future. Peace & Hope. Elaine Price
Thanks, Elaine! I miss seeing my friends at Whole Foods so much! I do hope things normalize soon and it’s safe for folks like me to grocery shop again soon.
Even in your struggles, your heart is SO big and your positive impact is contagious. I pray blessings of healing and wellness for you and your family.
Thank you, Kelly. Miss you so much!!! Xoxo
May God hold you in God’s embrace as you go through this difficult time. You are a beautiful, generous, gracious soul. I am grateful to know you.
Jackie thank you for graciously including all of us on this journey. Do I see another TEDx talk.
Oh, I don’t know about that Colette…but it sure was fun working with you!
I’m grateful to know you and Pete too, Laurie. I do feel held, most of the time. I hope you all stay safe and well until we see each other again. xo
Thinking of you, Jackie. Thank you for sharing your words of inspiration. I am sending positive thoughts, hugs and prayers.
Thanks so much, Shirley!
Sorry Colette Hart
Hi Colette – your card was awesome. Xo
What a soulful post, Jackie. It was already a year ago our Empathy Circle together? Can’t believe it! https://youtu.be/V7L9dhETwx0 Love the fact that your family has stepped up. Sending oodles of positive vibes from over yonder in London. Minter
I can’t believe it either! Seems like yesterday. Thanks so much for your uplifting note and oodles of good stuff 🙂
Jackie, I did it realize you have been on such a journey. Thank you for your continued inspiration. Sending big, healing hugs to you, John and the kids. Will be praying for your strength, comfort, and most importantly, your health. Love, Megan
Thanks so much, Megan!!!! I hope you all stay safe and well. Xo
Jackie, I had no idea you were going through this. Your words were so inspirational and touching. May God continue to give you strength as you go through this battle. Keeping you in my prayers–stay strong.
Thanks so much, Ann!
Jackie, thank you for sharing your journey — reading this was very inspiring. It is amazing that you are doing so much to help others while you are facing this difficult challenge yourself! Sending positive thoughts and warm wishes to you and your family.
I don’t always feel good, but it was healing to reflect with gratitude on a day I did. THanks so much for taking the time to read and comment!
🙏🏻 For you, John, Sophie and Grant. I KNOW that you will all be fine! Thanks for sharing. ❤️
Thanks so much, Courtney!
Inspirational Jackie! You know that you are not alone and you revel in that continuous wave of empathy washing over you! Yorki and I join a spiritual army of those who are praying for you, your family, and God who is working through those doctors, nurses, and caregivers who tend to your care on this challenging journey in these difficult times. Peace and more peace be added to your joy this day.
Thanks so much, Brian and Yorki! I hope you stay safe and well. Peace and love to you too
You are loved. You are love.
So true. You too, Kaneala!
Beautiful and thank you for sharing. Sorry to hear your news but you have such a healthy spirit. Tell you what, you get through this double whammy (cancer during Covid) and you can literally anything!!
Yes, I think so! A lot of things that felt daunting before don’t seem so bad anymore. I’ve seen friends go through this transition. I wish there were an easier way…but I’ll take that upside. Thank you, Dave.
May the wisdom you have shared about empathy and the generous acts of kindness extend well beyond your journey to complete health, and the current world health challenge, and be lessons in living for all of us.
Thanks so much, Barbara! I look forward to having that lunch when the world gets back to normal.
Jackie-Jimmy and I are keeping you in mind, with all our heart, sending energy, hope and healing hugs. How can we help?
You are already helping more than you realize, as in FB note. Xoxo
Of course, tears of empathy and joy come from reading your precious experience and insightful observations. Much love,
Laura Desmond
Right back atcha sister! And I got a GREAT curly wig, thanks to your advice. Looking forward to another walk as the world comes back to normal. Love you too, Jackie
Really sorry to hear the news of your illness. Sounds like you have had a lot of helpful support. Hang in there. You’re strong and will get through this.
Thanks, Lloyd. Yes, I have all I need. I don’t know how people get through this alone. I hope you and your family are all safe and well in these strange times. Peace, Jackie
Yes, Lloyd, I will. Thank you!
Jackie – your blog is an inspiration. I hope that you continue to be strong and to heal quickly.
Thanks so much, Kate.
Thank you, Kate!
Sometimes you can take life a day at a time. Sometimes you can take just an hour at a time. And, sometimes, all you can do is this very moment, hand over hand, until the next moment is given. In these times, be gentle to yourself.
You are in my prayers.
Beautiful. Thank you, Kate.
Such wise words. Thank you very much for sharing and for your prayers.
I’m late but my admiration, empathy, compassion and love are genuine and heartfelt. We are living in Arizona – came back after I “retired” from Continental Airlines and it was a good transition to another life. I work with my hubby in real estate – he is the broker. I do what I want to do which is such a blessing. I was diagnosed with breast cancer about 3 years ago and turned out good as had rare form and early stages. But, it gave me a new level of anxiety when told I had it. I went through loss of my youngest son, illnesses for my daughter that she still carries bravely with her daily and loss of parents, brother, etc. Loss is something that chips away at your heart but I have discovered that fear and sadness only makes it worse. I love that you shuffle through cards with words that make you smile or feel contentment and love. This pandemic is so awful and yet we are finding ways to connect, to entertain ourselves and families, to reach out to others and to be quiet! Hang in there Jackie with your amazing attitude and empathy. I am sending you tons of love and good energy and Arizona sunshine! Sandy Zabinski
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment, Sandy! One of the good but heartbreaking things about being public with health issues is there is so (too) much fellowship. I’m so sorry you lost a son. I”m so sorry your daughter deals with illness. And I’m really sorry you too had cancer. It’s hard to live beyond the fear and sadness for me too sometimes, but then, I hear from friends like you. My husband, kids, and family have also been wonderful. There’s a lot of love. Most of the time, it overwhelms the other stuff. Arizona sounds like a good place to be, especially now. It’s been snowing here! Much love to you and thanks again, Jackie
Sandy – thank you so much for sharing some of your story. I’m sorry for the illnesses and loss in your family, especially your son. I wish I had good words for that…but I am just so sorry. Bravely carrying on anyway is the work. You and your daughter have a lot to teach us. I’m hanging in there. Thank you so much for the love and good energy. We can use the sunshine here too! Take good care