In a boat on the Bosphorus, Istanbul, Turkey
I am alive today because of love. That’s true for all of us. At least one person loved us into being, growing, and sticking around for the fun. Parents. Spouses. Children. Friends. They give us empathy which is how we internalize the practice for ourselves before we have words…and also when words fail us. Empathy starts at home and is a gateway to love. But it’s especially true for me now. Since my ovarian cancer diagnosis, the epicenter of my healing and living has been our family: Grant, Sophie, and John LeMay. Being together in Istanbul this last week is the best medicine I could have.
Our son Grant (soon to be 18) loves life. His enthusiasm is reminiscent of the character Dani Rojas in Ted Lasso, not just because he loves futbol/soccer too, and we have enjoyed watching him play all these years. Grant does everything with a joie de vivre that makes you not want to miss out. He loves his family, friends, good food, sports, music…life. And he’s a realistic optimist. It’s a great way to be. When things got as low as we can imagine for me health-wise, we were all crying. It was Grant who suddenly got very calm and said, “no, this is not part of my story. My mom does not die early. I know it. You will be okay.” And I believed him, and we got on a plane to Turkey, and…so far, he has been right. But part of his being right was convincing me from the inside out. It’s the ultimate form of what we like to think of as leadership really, to be able to inspire someone to do the impossible. Out of love. What a gift.
Our daughter Sophie (19) is brave and powerful. Everything important I’ve learned about the natural healing and adjuvant care that’s kept me feeling unusually well during brutal cancer treatments and alive longer than I should be, I learned in partnership with Sophie. When she got hemiplegic migraines at age 11, we realized western medicine had nothing good for her. We embarked on a natural healing journey that would take us through many, many philosophies, practitioners, and healing modalities. We adjusted. We shifted. We learned how to discern dogma from what worked in our own bodies. We worked hard to continue to make eating healthy food and taking good care of ourselves fun rather than deprivation and a burden, even as she watched friends eat school lunch while bringing her own for years. We did it. She lives migraine-free, healthy, and happy. She’s studying biology/narrative journalism/anthropology/sociology and is interested in Blue Zones and healthy living. One of the dreams sustaining me through treatment is getting to go to Ikaria, Greece with our family. The power of learning and practicing all of that good living as a teenager is astonishing to me, both in that she managed to go against the grain yet maintain great friends during a difficult time, and that she now has it inside of her. Her unwavering faith in our ability to figure out this challenging cancer situation makes me a believer too.
My husband John never ever gives up, even when I kinda do. He is researching options and thinking ahead. Discerning the good from the bad. Protecting me from the latter. Gently nudging me toward treatments that have a chance of working. Oh, he was right there with me when hospice came to call, ready to “walk me home” if that’s what I was ready to do. If that’s where I was. He was also right there when I knew it was time to come to Istanbul. We were on a plane within 2 weeks. Kids. Jobs. A house. A dog. A world away. It seemed crazy, but also, it was my best shot at living, and we both realized it. John LeMay is McGuyver. He makes s*&t happen like no one I’ve ever known. It’s such a comfort to be in a partnership with someone you can trust completely, who figures everything out somehow, grows along with you, and holds you up when you can’t do that for yourself. We had a peaceful and loving marriage before all of this went down, but going through this fire has left us both with a sense of the depth of our love and commitment that we hope to enjoy for a long time to come. We’ve worked really hard. Sometimes, I felt guilty about that…like, maybe it would be easier for him/them if I weren’t here anymore. I’ve even said that out loud. The look on his face shows me how out of the realm of possibility that is for him. Incredibly, somehow I still feel beautiful in his eyes…bald, wasting away, swollen with fluid in places it shouldn’t be. I don’t understand it, but I’ll take it. All. Day. Long. Oh, we have our moments, like any two people together 24/7, though thick, thin, and a pandemic! Through it all though, I really, really, really want to stick around for the fun part with John.
Outside of this epicenter, we are surrounded by you. Family. Longtime friends. Colleagues. New friends in Istanbul. Showering us all with love and affection from near and far. Physically helping us with our kids, our dog, our home. Feeding us literally, emotionally, and spiritually. So much encouragement. So many prayers. There simply aren’t enough words to express how deeply we appreciate it all. You sustain us. Your words and care breathe life into us. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Does all of this love guarantee that I will live? Not necessarily. Does it mean that I will feel exquisitely beloved until the end, hopefully, many years from now? Yes. Does it make me well and whole in all the ways that really matter, no matter what happens in my physical body? Yes. Even after people pass from this earth, they live on in our loving memories and stories. I find comfort and inspiration in that. For all we know, life beyond this physical plane IS pure love. There sure would be less to fight about without any bodily needs, hurts, or pains.
I’m 20% through this treatment in Istanbul, my second round of chemotherapy. It’s not easy, but it’s working. Sometimes, I realize what a long-haul I’m in and get down. It can be difficult to take the long-view when the finish line is both uncertain and months away. I’m not expecting to be back home until late May or early June. There’s so much to appreciate here, but there is no place like home…where our kids are.
This past week, our family has been enjoying Istanbul altogether! It felt magical to me. Our teenagers flew across the world to bring home to us!! We enjoyed great meals together, and a cruise on the Bosporus, offering the best perspective on this amazing and beautiful city. It was a spiritual experience to be with our grown children in the Hagia Sophia where we were inspired to name our daughter more than 20 years ago. We drank in sights full of wonder, rich history, and a sense of this place as a cradle of humanity, as well as central to our own Chaldean heritage. And there were a few memorable purchases for Sophie at the Grand Bazaar. The best part was Just. Being. Together. Was it easy for me physically? No. Sometimes getting around was very difficult, but we figured out how to manage it. I didn’t miss a thing. Having fun together filled me up. A booster shot of love that will see me through the rest of my time here. Sophie and Grant also got to visit the clinic and take comfort in the kind and effective treatment I’m receiving. As sorry as I am that this cancer journey is part of our family story, I also know that, even now, we appreciate everything – especially each other – so much.
Below are some highlights from our time together. Enjoy!
Visiting the Hagia Sophia, Sophie’s namesake. It’s been a church, a museum, and a mosque. The central mural is of the Virgin Mary holding Jesus, with “God” written on the right, and “Muhammad “on the left. We enjoyed Turkish coffee, Turkish Delight, and Apple Tea in front of the mosque while learning some of its history.
Topkapi Sarayi/Palace included a traditional Ottoman lunch overlooking the Golden Horn (braised lamb over pureed eggplant)
Getting ready to negotiate at the Grand Bazaar!
Another beautiful dinner at Sunset Grill and Bar, overlooking the Bosporus and the Asian side of Istanbul
***
Heartfelt thanks to Hakan Gurger https://www.facebook.com/hakangurgertravelagency. He is more than a tour guide. Hakan is a portal to the past, present, and future of Istanbul, a cradle of civilization in so many ways. Best tour we’ve ever had. A beautiful, wonder-full, magical, even spiritual experience. His knowledge is extensive, and his language skills are top-notch. He’s also highly empathetic, getting to know his clients, of all ages, and their lives and interests. Hakan gave us new perspectives and insights on Istanbul from so many angles, including the water – the best! Thank you, Hakan! And thanks to former McKinsey colleague Ogeday Karahan for connecting us.
Standing in Asia, next to the Sea of Marmara
For those of you curious about visiting Istanbul, come!
https://www.cntraveler.com/story/why-istanbul-should-be-on-every-travelers-radar-in-2022 (thanks Lisa Levine for sharing)
Photo credits: John LeMay, Sophie LeMay, and Hakan Gurger
Looking amazing!! Yay Lemans! Yay Jackie! Yay Istanbul! YAY LOVE!!!
Xoxoxo Laura!
Love love love this Jackie!!
😘😘😘
Loving this post so much! So good to see all of you together. 💗
Ty😘
All the pictures look amazing and am so grateful you had the visit, rejuvenation and love. Everyone deserves that…..love. Blessings and prayers to you and your family. May it be a Happy NEW Year!! ❤❤
❤️🙏😘
I love this. You have a wonderful family. Lots of love and support. I am so happy you are in my life. It is awesome hearing your perspective and hearing about your family and your travel to Istanbul. Love you
Love you too, Carmen.
Beautiful pictures! Wonderful being with your family, best medicine. You are a beautiful soul inside and out❤Blessings and prayers.
Thank you, Denise. Love you all! Hope we get to see you in 2022.
Happy New Year, Jackie! So happy the kids were able to come! Looks like you had a wonderful time. And as always, since the day I met you, your words leave me so inspired!
All the best to you and yours for 2022, Jen. The inspiration is mutual. Xoxo
Grateful for every update…every word and every picture. Thank you for lifting us all with your generous spirit and gift of communication. Safe travels to Sophie & Grant as they return home. XO Roxanne
TY Roxane. The kids got home safely on NYE, thank goodness. All the best to you and yours for this year and more. Xo
Jackie- what a beautiful post. Weeping with warm lovey feelings of family and bonds and togetherness and marriage and Istanbul and kiddos and the endurance and need for all of the above.❤️👍👊🥰
Love you
Happy New Year to an incredible family and its super-strong matriarch 🙂
Xoxo
Happy 2022 !! To see all of you together enjoying such a beautiful place is the best way to start any new year! Wishing each one of you happiness, love, faith, and the knowledge of how deeply you are loved by so many people! Safe travels and revel in the love that binds you as a family!!!
🙏🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️
This post is filled with love and made me cry with happiness for all of you. I can’t wait to see you back home in late May or early June to celebrate your good health!
I can’t wait to see you too ❤️🙏😘
Jackie,
So wonderful to see you all in such magnificent places. Your journey and writings are an inspiration. I think of you, John, and the kids every day. Sending prayers, love, and all the positive thoughts. I am with Grant, this is just part of your journey. You will be here with all of us for many years to share meals, travels, and your wisdom. Happy New Year! Love, Maggie
Looking forward to all that with you ❤️
Love is light and light is love. Thank you for sharing this journey Jackie. I’m so happy that Grant and Sophie made it there as the flight cancellations are in the thousands with more COVID-19 headaches. Prayers continue to come from afar but are with you instantaneously. Love to you and all the LeMay Family. GOD Bless and happy New Year!
❤️❤️❤️
Jackie – we all cheered 👏🏼when we heard Grant & Sophie made it to Turkey with all the flight ✈️ cancellations & covid 🦠 hurdles. There is no doubt love ❤️ is powerful and grateful you got extra boosts of it from their visit. If Grant is Dani (who doesn’t love him) then you are Ted Lasso, the smart inspirational leader who doesn’t give up. 😘
Awwww 🥰
THIS……..❤️
You!❤️
Whenever an email from Jackie arrives I’m instantly energized knowing some wisdom is about to be exposed in this crazy world we live in! Great to hear things are progressing well.
Ty🙏🙏🙏
Laughter, love, good food and spiritual sites…so glad that Sophie and Grant were there to share!
Sending you so much love!
Love back to you ❤️
You are the personification of beauty. Sending you much love and many hugs. Wish I could give the hugs to you in person. ❤😘
Happy New Year to you and your family!
Here’s to more love, health and fulfillment 🥂
❤️🙏
Seeing, hearing, and feeling your voice and your love brought me to tears this morning. I can’t wait to give you a giant hug in person— you know I’ve been sending them virtually every day (not as good!). It’s amazing to think about you and your terrific family being together, exploring this magical place. I am so glad this visit filled you up. I can’t wait to see you again. Much love. 💜
❤️❤️❤️❤️😘😘😘😘🙏🙏🙏🙏
Awesome and inspiring post…as usual!
Ty🙏
I love this and I love YOU. Your journey has so many lessons for all of us. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Thx so much Rachel ❤️
Beautiful family❤️ Im so happy they came – best gift ever- love you jackie -thinking and prayer for you all everyday- love the pics too
Love you too ❤️
AWESOME FAMILY . I LOVED ALL OF THE PICTURES I PRAY FOR YOU EVERYDAY I LOVE AND GOD BLESS YOU
LOVE ,KRISTIN XOXOXO
Thank you Kristin ❤️🙏❤️🙏
So happy for you and your beautiful family that you were all able to be together. Prayers continue for you each day! Hang in there and hopefully this time with the kids will get you through the tough days.
Thank you Nancy ❤️🙏
It’s all about love! Happy New Year and God bless you all ❤
Yes, yes, yes
Yet another amazing post from you. Such a lovely and uplifting start to the new year. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing your journey with us through your wonderful writings, Jackie. Each post is inspiring and thought provoking. Know that, even in Istanbul, you are surrounded by love and warmth from your Cleveland friends – we are sending love, hugs, positivity and prayers your way every single day and look forward to sitting down together at book club and sharing a meal and in person hugs when you are back.
That sounds wonderful, Bonnie.
Your love for family and life inspires me when I’m feeling down
And your posts inspire me. It’s mutual, brother.
How joyous for you and John to be with Sophie and Grant and them with you! What a blessing for all of you. I love what Grant said, what a heart of love and determination you have passed on to him. Thank you for posting, Jackie! Praying!
Thank you, Lisa!
Your writing is SO heartwarming, which is evidence of the Love that you are absorbing from your family!! It’s great to see you out there having fun!! Hang in there every day. You are amazing even though I know that at times you don’t feel that way. BUT you are so incredible! Sending continued love and strength.
Thanks so much, Lee
Jackie,
Thank you for this inspiring post. I am so happy that Sophie and Grant were able to join you and John in Turkey.
I am likely one of many hundreds of ‘Acho lurkers’ who look forward to reading your posts, but never comment on them – I’ve been following since you started blogging a decade ago. Keep inspiring us with news of your journey. I am praying fervently for you; you are a treasure.
So wonderful to hear from you, Ralph! Thank you for letting me know you are there. It really helps. Be well!
Happy New Year Jackie. Just Wow. Your journey to find a treatment, your perseverance, your strength, your amazing family. Your words bring so many emotions for me. I hope 2022 brings healing your way.
Thank you Diana ❤️
Jackie, this post is beautiful on so many levels! The love of and for your family is reflected in your shining smiles. So grateful for every word and image. You remind us what’s truly important. Sending love and prayers 💖🙏
Love back to you Denise ❤️🙏
Jackie, Wonderful update. Thanks for sharing your challenging, yet very hopeful adventure, What a treat to have Sophie and Grant join you guys. We all are thinking of you!
Thank you, Chris! All the best to you and your family
I know this journey has not been easy yet you still find the joy and brightness in the moments that would make others shutdown. As long as I have known you, your light shines brightly and your love of life is always clear to those around you. Sophie and Grant are so blessed to have you as their mother who enlightens them more than they can realize. John has been your loving light… we all know spouses can try us at times but couldn’t be anyone more perfect by your side. Stay positive, Sometimes we have to take it minute by minute, hour by hour and Day by day….thinking of you.
You know all too well what this journey takes. The feeling is so mutual, Kim. I’m lucky to have you in my life as well. Thank you! xo
Your words are such an inspiration and once again, you’re reassuring me. I love your words, your beliefs, your will and willingness to share all you experience and learn. Bless you and your remarkable family. I’m keeping all of you in mind. I long to see you and hug you. Meanwhile, I look forward to photos and posts! All my love, Rique
Love back to you and your remarkable family, Rique! I look forward to that hug when I’m back in Cleveland in June. Xo
I look forward to your messages knowing that whatever the situation, you will have wisdom to share and lessons learned. As with so many others, I send prayers every day and look forward to seeing you in the summer.
Fondly,
Mary
Thank you so much, Mary. You inspire me too, and I look forward to more lunches, chances to work, talk, and figure out life together.
I’ll humbly admit that I was/am somewhat ashamed to reach out after so many years. Where to begin? How to restart a genuine farewell, so long left hanging? So simply.
Hello. Good morning, my friend. If only in photos, it is genuinely wonderful to see you again, Jackie.
It has been far too long, Reading through your very powerful words, both recent and older, I am filled with emotions equally joyful, proud, serious, hopeful, and also a bit regretful. The uncommon and special person I was so blessed to work alongside over two decades ago, to the one who’s voice and intellect I hear so familiar through your writings, and now see in your joy-filled family pictures from just days ago both inspire me, remind me, and challenge me. I am sending prayers and all the good and healing energy I can muster your way. I hope that you are strengthened by time spent together as a family, and in turn focusing your spiritual, mental and physical energies where they must be focused. You are so special, wise and filled with grace. I look forward reconnecting when you when you get back to Cleveland. It has been far too long. Until then, my love to you and your family.
Wow. Okay, so I’m a little choked up reading your beautiful note, Dean. You were always one of my favorites. Working with you was more like play, and not a lot of people bring that. I really treasure your words here, and yes, I was buoyed more than I can convey by being together with the kids. I’m doing better than expected so far according to the docs, so we are hopeful this is a turning point and I’ll finally be in a sustainable, healthy way when I get back to Cleveland in June. Meanwhile, these virtual connections and reconnections give me strength and courage for the months ahead. Thanks so much for taking the time to read and reach out. Much love to you and your family! I remember when it all started…:-)
So happy to read about your progress. You’re in our thoughts and prayers. Keep fighting the good fight and keep sharing all of the wisdom you’re gaining from the journey. You’re going to help countless others by sharing all of this and I have no doubt many lives will be saved at your courage to share this fight.
Thanks so much, Michael (and Kylene and Bayla)! Xo
You. Are. Loved.
Awwww
Love back to you John