Turkish market spices ~2000 (photo credit: John LeMay)
“Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow.” – Steve Jobs last words
Istanbul is a special place. The spices and flavorful food. The colors and architecture. The markets and history. Also, it’s personal. Our daughter is named after the Hagia Sophia. My college thesis advisor, Seyhan Ege, was Turkish. Now, our best hope for finally achieving remission from ovarian cancer is in Istanbul. American “gold standard of care” failed me, as it does the vast majority of ovarian cancer patients. The truth is that I was told to go into palliative care/hospice in August 2020 by an “expert” with a typical lack of curiosity and imagination. Nontoxic therapies got me through many healthy months since then. I kept running, doing yoga, working, cooking, eating, hiking, enjoying my family….but those naturopathic interventions were still not enough to achieve remission, unfortunately. My ovarian cancer is aggressive.
Chemothermia is an integrative oncological clinic started by doctors who were tired of watching patients with difficult cancers die badly from the same treatments we’ve given them for decades. How refreshing. What do they do there? The short answer is they combine traditional treatments like chemotherapy (low-dose, bio-individualized) with nontoxic therapies that stress cancer cells (e.g., local and whole-body hyperthermia, hyperbaric oxygen, ketogenic diet) and protect healthy cells (e,g., IV nutritional infusions). In many ways, they do all-at-once the multiple therapies I’ve employed over the last 2 years. They’ve published remarkable results, including a Cleveland area patient who shared her incredible story with us, from near-death to remission in 6 months. Traveling internationally when you don’t feel well is daunting, but we are hopeful.
I’m also at peace.
I did everything humanly possible to heal. What I learned about cancer is in my blog. What I learned about love is in the hearts of John and the kids. Much of what I’ve learned about life is in my book/blog/speeches. I’ve enjoyed my work, a luxury I never took for granted. I’ve lived a full life. Our home has been full of peace and love. I’ve traveled around the world for pleasure and work. I’m so grateful I could work around raising our kids. Memories of doing simple things with them and as a family…picnics, reading books, creek walking, cooking, swimming in the ocean…fill my head and my heart. I was fortunate to meet and marry the best partner I can imagine in this adventure of life. I regret nothing about our choices and how we spent our time.
Still, cancer should not be this common. It should not force lousy choice after lousy choice on a relatively young (53) woman and her family. If the treatments are successful, I’ll be there for 3-6 months, missing a big chunk of our son’s senior year of high school (“the boring part” he sweetly reassured me, now that soccer season is over). Still, it’s not right. I’m certain this epidemic of cancer is not part of the cosmic design but rather a problem of toxicity we humans have created. I’ll continue raising that flag for as long as I’m able. At least I grew up, had kids, raised them, and enjoyed several decades. Many are not so lucky.
No matter what happens now, I have faith….
- That love lives on, and I can (in a not creepy way) still be part of the lives of my loved ones even if I’m not here physically.
- That at some point in the next year, my body won’t hurt so much anymore.
- That our kids have what they need. I couldn’t be more in awe of who they are or excited about the good they will do in the world and the amazing lives ahead for them.
- That our friends and family will embrace John, Sophie, and Grant, with empathy as you have always done
- That the transition from this life holds a kind of magic we only glimpse until it’s our turn to go. If I can’t say “Oh, wow” out loud when it’s my time, I trust I will feel it. That transition is the greatest adventure of all, really, and we will all take it. I’m still hoping for some pizza and wine on the other side (and many other yummy foods my human body can’t process anymore)!
Still, I pray….
- I can be at all the graduations, dance at weddings, rock grandbabies, and continue to make holiday meals.
- I can be a sounding board for all the decisions to come, including the most important of all…life partners/co-parents.
- I can stick around for the fun part w John…and put my arms around him for the rest of his days here. Oh, how we loved to travel and looked forward to more in retirement.
So, we’re off to Istanbul together for one more adventure. It’s not what we had in mind when we imagined “retirement” travel, but hopefully, this trip enables more in the future. I’ve downloaded Turkish lessons on my phone and look forward to breakfasts with olives, baba ganoush, and spicy baked tomatoes. As I feel stronger, I will enjoy strolling through the markets and the warmth of the culture. Mostly, I look forward to finally getting the help I need, the possibility of a real remission, and maybe some rest.
Thank you for your love and encouragement, now and always.
Love, Jackie
Your an inspiration Jackie! Best of luck in Turkey my sense is WAY better than modern medicine. Just need to break loose the healing properties of the human body. .I also believe the mind can influence, 5 years of meditation and breathing consistently have proven that for me. See you on the return and please keep us posted while in Turkey.
Thanks, Michael. I’m a big fan of meditation and the healing power of the mind/body too. I’m sure it’s helped me so far. Stay well!
Jackie – the grace and love by which you have lived & shared your journey is an on-going inspiration. You, John and your kids remain in my prayers.
May God bless you with his healing touch during your time in Turkey. Take care my friend…so many people whose lives you have touched are with you in spirit and sending strength and support from afar…
Thank you, Michael!
Speechless. I am in awe of you and your indomitable spirit…may this trip fill every need and nourish every cell in your body, except the ones that should not be there. Love, light and lift to you!!! —Roxanne
Thank you, Roxanne. Was just thinking about you and dolma earlier today… xoxo
From your lips to G-d’s ears, as they say. “nourish every cell in my body” except the ones that shouldn’t be here. Yes, yes, yes. Xoxoxo
There is immeasurable power in prayer and continue in mine. 🙏.
And don’t forget the effects of humor. Read Anatomy of an Illness.
Thanks for sharing, Kathleen.
Dearest Jackie,
You are such a force for love, life, and healing. I can’t imagine the strength it is taking to be heading to Turkey at this time. I’m glad John is by your side — and many of us will be with you in spirit. I very much look forward to sharing a meal with you when you are up for it, as we have so many times on this journey. I’m walking by your side, holding your hand, sending all my love and strength your way. See you soon!
Jackie you are such a strong, beautiful, sweet. and lovely person! I will continue to pray for you. I pray you both have a safe trip and may God’s angels protect you both in your travels. With God all things are possible. Sending loving thoughts your way.
Thanks so much, sweet Gina. We are here safely; so far so good. Xo
Jackie, what a beautiful post. I wish you the absolute best on your journey to Turkey. It’s a magical place, and may it yield for you what you’re seeking and what you deserve. You are in my thoughts.
Thank you, JR.
Remarkable post, Jackie. Thank you for continuing to sharing all that you have learned and keeping us close throughout this journey. Safe travels to you and John as the adventure continues. Here’s to Istanbul in the Spring! Until then, keep kicking, my friend. I am here always. Love you!
I will miss our walks soooooo much! But, I wasn’t able to do them for some time anyway. This is the way forward. So glad this post was cogent…I wrote it hooked up to IV albumin and on painkillers 😉 I figured if it got through John, it was okay. Love you too!
Jackie – You’ have been on my mind a lot lately and I think I know why now. Your inspiration is uncommon and it has impacted me in ways I can’’t describe in a post. I consider myself to be one of the lucky humans who has been touched by your strength and open heart, and now we can witness you lead by example before a community of medical care providers all over the world. Throughout your cancer journey you’ve continued to find ways to give and not take. In Turkey, my prayer for you is that you take all that you can. Take with respect, but take nonetheless. Take it all in and come back home an even brighter light.
Thank you, Jean. I’ve always been inspired by you too, including gracefully overcoming a health challenge at a young age. We arrived yesterday. So far so good. We feel I’m in good hands and can rest (at least intellectually) while they do what they do best here. Everyone seems kind and focused on helping me truly heal.
Jackie
You are one of a kind, an inspiration to so many. Your strength is like no other I have seen. Kicking Cancers Ass, is the next blog I hope read.
Oh, I’ve composed that one in my head many times. These others just seem to be necessary for now. I figure I’m getting the full tour so I can bear witness to the whole experience…seems to be part of my assignment in this lifetime. Keep up your health and yoga work, personally and for CDP! I look forward to joining you when I get back.
Dear Jackie, you have continued in my prayers. So pleased that you continue the good fight. So glad John can be with you. I know you have learned much along the way and your caring and sharing has helped many. I will continue to keep you in prayer. Happy Thanksgiving. Love to John and your beautiful, wonderful children.❤️🌹
Thanks so much, Judith. Much love back to you!
God Bless you, Jackie. You are so full of life and love and hope and will be forever. You have given back so much with your writing. You may kick this thing yet in that beautiful ancient city! I will keep up my prayers for your healing and safe return to Cleveland. Peace, Lynn
That’s the plan, Lynn. We arrived yesterday and already feel we are in good hands. Thank you for your kind words, encouragement, and prayers.
Jackie,
I am a fellow parishioner at St. Paul’s & learned of your bravery through Susan Vodrey. May God protect & defend you in your fight not to surrender. Blessings.
Thank you, Carol. I really appreciate you reaching out.
I can’t believe you have to leave our country to get top of line care. My heart is breaking because I truly cannot imagine a world without you. While we didn’t stay in touch as much as I would’ve liked, I always pictured you out there succeeding & living to the fullest. That has always been who you are. I have never prayed so hard for anyone, except at my Mom’s death. I’m praying for you, for John, for the kids, sending positive thoughts, sending strength, praying for miracles. Pls keep us posted as you can. And tell me how I can help you & your family.
You are an angel. Thank you, dear friend. Realizing the limitations of US healthcare, bordering at times on negligence, has been one of the hardest pills for me to swallow (pun intended!). Just being in touch like this is a great help to me and us. Xo
Jackie, please know that entire Stefanski Family is sending you love, hope, and energy for the next stage in this adventure. You are a source of good and inspiration for us all.
But oh do I hate this evil cancer..
We do! And it’s been so comforting to know the Stefanskis are in our corner. If only we had better ways of treating and preventing (and not causing) cancer, it wouldn’t be so evil….
God bless you in your search for a cure. My prayers are for you and your family to live with hope and peace. I am praying for God’s grace to give you a miracle of great health. Continue to be faithful!
Thank you, Mike. So nice to hear from you.
Jackie
I am so in awe of you and your approach to this life lesson. I will continue to pray for healing and remission. So much love is headed your way and both you and Turkey will be transformed!
THank you, Cathy!
Dearest Jackie. Thank you so much for being you and giving the gift of your being to this earthly plane.
I am saddened that there are only three memories that I have of you … listening to you lector at church, watching you lead a thrift store fashion show, and having brief exchanges with you on Facebook. However, as little as we have had the opportunity to exchange words, I am grateful for each interaction.
You are a beautiful person in so many ways, and I am excited for you and this journey you are about to take. I am hopeful that you will find the healing you need on this adventure of a lifetime that I know your eyes will be fully open … an adventure where you will experience God in every way possible.
I, myself, look forward to the day when you are free of cancer, and we can both sit and enjoy pizza and wine together,
Much love to you and your family.
Aloha ke Akua,
Kaneala
Mahalo iā ‘oe, Kaneala. I’m also grateful our paths have crossed. FB really is good for some things, used carefully. I’ve enjoyed getting to know you there, and a little bit in person before. The pizza and wine sound great. Aloha oukou
Wow, Jackie this just brought a tear to my eye. I am sad that you have yet to fully heal but in awe of the incredible adventure a life well lived can be. God has once again made lemonade from lemons as you and John are setting out on the journey of a lifetime due to your indomitable desire to heal. No doubt, your kids will be just fine and as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. All the toxic food, water, electromagnetic radiation and to quote John ‘manufactured stress’ (I think that’s how he described it;)) in our modern world can’t keep the Human Spirit down. We will do our best to keep the fires of the empathy work we have done with the police lit in your absence and look forward to seeing you on your return. Our prayers and thoughts are with you and your wonderful family.
Love you, bro. Keep up the good work!
Jackie, your spirit inspires me. I am holding you in my heart and sending you the warmest energy as you heel. With love, Yan
Thank you!
Jackie
You have always been our shining star, so smart, beautiful and lovable. I am so proud of and love you so much. If I could trade places with you to take away your pain, I would do it in one second. Uncle Jack
Love you too, Uncle Jack. Also…”ask me anything about Turkey…” Xo
There are so many wonderful words in Turkish, but the one that comes to mind is Yakamoz (ya-ka-moz) / Sea sparkle. It’s used to describe the moment when the moonlight hits the sea’s surface. It’s a sparkle in the darkness– which is what you have shared throughout this journey. Wishing you safe travels and so much Yakamoz.
Yakamoz. Love that! Thanks for sharing, Lila.
Oh Jackie, you are a lover and warrior in action. I loved reading about your beautiful life and family and how you’ve lived so fully without regret.
I wish you well in this next phase. I am continuing to envision you thriving and experiencing life in its fullness.
So much love,
Lynette
I’m so grateful we are connected, Lynette. Much love back to you
you amazing! love this so much!
Love you!
Dear Jackie, When I first met you the warmth and energy of your spirit was apparent. I now know some of its depth, strength and endurance. All my wishes to you and John on your great adventure and one you will never regret. Here’s to your radiant recovery and happy return.
I’m still looking forward to our dance! It will happen. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement, David.
Jackie,
You are truly an inspiration to live our best life. You are an amazing friend, mother, and wife. Once you get settled into Turkey and you are comfortable, Tony and I will come and visit with you and John or just you, if John has had to return to the states for kids or work. I am currently at Miraval working being a better mother to myself. Sending you love and lots of positive energy.
Namaste,
Maggie
Mothering ourselves is so important! Oh, it would be wonderful to have time together with you and Tony here or anywhere. Namaste!
Jackie,
Brave, courageous, uplifting, and real. A truth teller. An inspiration. My memories of our first meeting are strong, and your words have always been meaningful to me. I’ll be thinking of you in the land of sun and olives, and wishing you love and strength.
Same here, Laurie. Thank you!
Jackie-We are sending love and light to you, John, Sophie and Grant. Count us in among all of those who are praying for you and sending you healing thoughts while you are in Turkey.
Thanks so much, Anne.
That pizza and wine bit sounds…heavenly. But, I think we have an arrangement to enjoy some of that here in the flesh, at Geraci’s, once we clear this mess, eh?
You are a powerful writer Jackie, to be sure. I am standing by…
Can’t wait!
Jackie….you are an inspiration to so many. You are a force to be reckoned with, a kind and loving mother, wife and friend. We are blessed to know you and hope and pray for the same remission you seek. We will continue to hold you and your family in our hearts and prayers. Peace be with you..
Peace be with you also, April. Thank you!
My thoughts and prayers are with you on your journey back to good health
Thank you!
Dear Jackie,
I send you my warmest regards and powerful healing through the ether. I have seen what you plan to do work for people- it’s not a hoax. It’s actually all validated in the literature but the cogs turn slowly. How wonderful that you can go. May you find delight there across the pond. May you come back renewed and ready for all that is to come!
Same! Good to hear from you, Amy. Be well!
Jackie this is such a beautiful reflection, with your everlasting determined faith that you will be here for all the good things to come. Another gift, cherished. Thank you. Our love is going with you and John. Heartfelt hugs to both of you, and to Sophie and Grant. Love.
Thanks so much, Kevin. Hugs to you and Cathy!
I’ve thought so often about the time we spent at Hanna Perkins. Those were just the sweetest days but I was very, very removed from ‘my best self’ – really struggling with a lot of things, more than I was even aware of. All just to say that In the ensuing years I have really regretted that I did not get to know you better then. Your positivity and tenacity were evident then and have only become brighter and stronger as you’ve pursued empathy and yoga! I’ve enjoyed watching your journey. You are so right about toxicity and the inadequacy of western medicine, but I honestly think that if anyone can pull it all together and cure herself of cancer it is you! I am not going to be a bit surprised to be reading all about it six or eight months from now. Your mindset – letting go of the outcome and embracing the adventure is so inspiring; Your writing is so lovely and has such generosity. Jackie, sending all good thoughts, vibes, energy your way. I will pray for you and John and Sophie and Grant – peace be with you all and enjoy that baba ganoush! ❤️🙏🏻❤️
Thank you for sharing, Courtney. Thank God for Hanna Perkins! Who is at their best parenting young children in this country that values none of it?! We learned so much there, in no small part because they opened the window for us to learn from our children. It’s nothing less than the evolution of our souls. I really appreciate your kind words and encouragement. Be well!
You are truly inspirational, so poised and so brave. Thank you for your wisdom.
Thanks so much, Lara.
Deep thanks for continuing to share your graceful voyage w us. Love does, in fact, live on. Sending much love to you and yours.
Thank you
Good Morning (afternoon!) over there!
Thanks for your strength and courage that you offer to ALL of us Jackie! You no doubt are in good hands! Safe journey and know we are all with you in daily prayer!
Fr. Brian
Thank you
Oh dear Jackie, my heart goes out to your beautiful soul. You are a fighter and although you seem to be at peace, your fight continues. You will always be a hero to me and how you have shared this challenging journey fighting this horrid disease. Our God will give you strength and His love will be there with you even at times you are most discouraged. Your sharing has inspired and lifted many spirits that needed your wise insight and research. I read and reread your incredible words. Love flows from my heart to you and your beautiful family.
Thank you, Bev. Xo
I have been following your blog for a long time now. Have my own journey with cancer. I am truly grateful for your ability to share, it has helped me reflect on my own situation. The gift that cancer gave me was the ability to stay present for long stretches of time. I get hijacked less and less with things that don’t matter. You sharing your journey, has helped me fine tune that. The future isn’t written. Stay strong and know you and your family are in a lot of prayers.
Thank you for sharing, Joe.
Jackie – thank you for sharing your very personal story with such wisdom and grace. I am sorry that you have gone through all you have at such a young age. I am so very thankful to have had you as a mentor and truly, the example of a successful female partner that managed to also have a life. Take care of yourself, safe travels and the Steinmeier family will send lots of love and prayers your way. Love, Heather
Thanks so much, Heather. Xo
Jackie, This is such a beautiful, wondrous, brave, courageous, uplifting, and deeply human and fully authentic response to your life stage. Thanks for being such an inspiration and helping us all to be better humans, to love and grow. I wish you wellness and continued peace.
I really appreciate your kind words and encouragement, Debbie. Thank you.
Dearest Jackie, I wish my arms were long enough to hug you in Turkey. Better yet, picture all your friends and family standing hand in hand creating a human path from Cleveland to Turkey, to deliver love, support, care, concern, hope, and faith for your journey. I’ve always thought of you as a trail blazer and gosh, wish your health was not part of your trail to blaze. But here you are, and we travel with you. Lots of love, blessings, and hugs.
What a beautiful vision, Mary Rose.Thank you.Lots of love back to you and your wonderful family
Dear Jackie,
What a beautiful, brave and inspiring message. Thank you for reminding us all of life’s true gifts. I pray that God holds you tightly and heals you during your journey in Turkey.
Blessings and peace to you.
Thank you so much, Jennifer.
Dear Jackie, this was so hard to read but was so beautifully written. You are so inspiring and definitely have what it takes to get through this . I have so much hope for you that you are going to turn this around. Praying for you, that you return to good health and are able to come home to your beautiful family very soon!
Thank you, Pam. I think of your mom often… Her spirit inspires me. I also have to admit that I’m hoping we get to eat her food again on the other side!
Oh, Jackie, what grace. Sending love, blessings and prayers to you and your family as you embark on the adventure of a lifetime.
Thank you, Michele. Although I wish we didn’t have this in common, your company in this journey means so much to me.
I don’t think anyone could have written this with more grace. We love you.
Love you too, Sarah! Xo
Dear Jackie,
We met through Ray and Sheila when you were very young. Stacy told me of your journey.
You have grown to be a brave, insightful and beautiful person.
Your words re so inspirational- that at whatever stage we are in life, we can take joy in what is before us.
My dear, I am sending you prayers that you are safe and protected. That you are filled with joy and surrounded with love.
Onward.
Dear Sunday, I remember you well! Thanks so much for reaching out. Yes, onward!