Photo credit: Sophie LeMay
I am done being poked, prodded, cut, and poisoned.
Somehow, it seems I am finished with my work here on earth as well.
Chicago treatments aren’t working.
Why?
They were not able to replicate what I was receiving in Istanbul closely enough.
Should I have stayed in Turkey? Maybe, but I was not near remission there either…my body couldn’t hold onto the progress I’d made there through so many brutal treatments. I’ve lost ~6 months of hard work.
I’ve loved being home with John, Sophie, and Grant and would have made this tradeoff to come home with full knowledge of what would happen.
At some point, even with integrated chemotherapy, the bone marrow gives out.
I’m nearly there, and nowhere near remission.
There are no effective immunotherapies that seem to be ready for me now either.
We have done absolutely everything, but I am suffering. It has become hard to eat and drink, with cancer disrupting all of that.
My body is done. It’s time to find peace and pass as painlessly as possible.
We are initiating hospice.
A few last thoughts…
I’m glad I learned…
- How much I love my family. John, Sophie, and Grant are my favorite people. Rocky too. Being with all of them has been comforting.
- How liberating it is to dissociate from emotional toxicity…better late than never
- How much I’ve enjoyed being alive for as long as I have been
- How to navigate cancer, with John’s constant partnership, to be alive and mostly out of pain this long…NOT without complaint, mind you. This whole thing is obscene. Courage amounted to going through these treatments, anyway.
I wish…
- CA125 testing were standard for perimenopausal women (note you can ask for this and order it yourself through any number of lab services, e.g., requestatest.com); there are many false positives but secondary imaging will let you know if you need to take action (which could be as simple as having your fallopian tubes removed)
- Gynecologists listened to women coming in with unusual symptoms (bloating, UTI’s, post-menopausal bleeding) the first time
- The integrative care I received in Turkey was fully available in the US
- Effective treatments were available for the majority of ovarian cancer patients – chemo simply doesn’t work most of the time.
- Chemotherapy for all cancers is ultimately replaced by immunotherapies that don’t damage our bodies
- Preventive cancer care, including clean nutrition and environments, becomes normal from birth on. This would be “gold standard of care.”
- I could stick around for the fun part with John, Sophie, and Grant
- I had more time to live, love, work, enjoy
I hope…
- Sophie, Grant, and John can remember me when I was well, forgive me for not being able to stay that way, and live fully without me
- That you will help them do that and keep them company; there is never a good time to leave
- That their memories of me provide comfort as they navigate a new normal without the wife and mom they knew until now
- That my words provided some inspiration along the way, and they might continue to do so (Currency of Empathy holds true; Cancer Culture: Fixing the Landscape by Infusing Empathy to be published soon…)
- That life in some form continues so I can keep my family company somehow…I believe this is true…I just don’t know how. Soon, I’ll find out. It’s a big adventure, really. I’m not afraid of death, just the painful part before the transition…
- That I get all the answers to the questions I have about health, life, the point of everything…my version of heaven. Even Google can’t do all that.
- That my dad meets me on the other side
- That in the life after this time on earth, I again experience the kind of wholeness and joy which has been hard to access while accepting cancer treatments, dealing with many constraints, and living with constant discomfort (who knows how it works but maybe pizza and wine come back on the celestial menu…Minna’s dumplings and peach cobbler, Aunt Rusty’s spaghetti, Grandma Acho’s tacrathas)
- That you who get to carry on here with life on earth, enjoy retirement, have fun with your spouse, travel as much as you’d like, watch your kids graduate, become adults, get married, and have kids (if they so choose).
- That you get to rock your grandkids…that maybe you’ll even rock mine and somehow let them know how much I love them already
I’m grateful…
- For the unfettered love I’ve experienced in my life
- For the partnership and family John LeMay and I have built; may it sustain him even in my absence…as I’ve told him, he’s so loveable and deserving of partnership in his life still, but I get first dibs in heaven.
- For the work I’ve been able to do in the world
- For a healthy body that supported all of that for ~50 years, with hardly a thought about time limits
Maybe we always want more time.
I bet we do. I know I do.
But it’s time to rest, and I’ve earned it.
Thank you for your company, love, and prayers.
Much love back to you.
Jackie, thank you
My heart is breaking, I have sat in hospice far too much and I cannot stand to think of you there. Much love my friend.
🙏😘
Jackie,
We love you and will do all that you ask us to do. I am so happy we were able to see you and John in Chicago and share some amazing memories together. You are are beautiful women body and soul. That soul will live with us forever. I wish you peace. With love and admiration, Maggie
Ty😘
Jackie:
This news is devastating to all who know you, but none more than your husband and kids. I still remember when Hunter and I joined you for breakfast near the start of the engineering hiring initiative; you had opted for local consulting because McKinsey kept you away from home too much… and also made being home in the summers a priority for you & the kids. I initially thought I learned the most from you watching your extraordinary interviewing, strategizing, and presenting, but I have thought often of your dedication to family in my own parenting. Finally, your approach to this devastating disease has been inspiring on every level, infused with empathy, intellect, perspective, creativity and, most of all, love. Please know you will live on in so, so many hearts–more than you can imagine–and treasured by many more.
Chris Sheridan
Ty so much 🙏
Dear Jackie
Your spiritual energy touched me when I worked for you at McKinsey doing some project. You are Grace in the human form. Distantly, we have walked with you on your journey and like many others, found lessons of courage, love and empathy. Thank you for being that light.
Hugs from Solana Beach,
Anjou and Siddhartha
Ty🙏
Dear sweet brilliant Jackie,
Wishing you peace and love forevermore. Thank you for ALL of your gifts and blessings.
XOXOX
-Laura
Xoxo
Jackie,
In addition to working with amazing students at Hawken, I also meet inspiring and fascinating parents. I am so grateful to have met you and John during Sophie’s years at Hawken. You have become a stealthy mentor to me as a professional and a woman of a “certain age.” Your advocacy for empathy education has impacted me and changed my work and life. I wish you peace and light as you spend your remaining time with your family. I imagine you sitting outside looking at the changing leaves with the sun warming your face.
🙏
Thank you for the gift of you! Thank you for the wisdom that you have imparted to so many over the years. Thank you specifically for the wisdom that you have imparted to me on my fight with ovarian cancer. My prayers are for John, Grant and Sophie to always know your love and for you to meet your dad in Heaven over a big plate of whatever makes you feel happiness. God speed my friend! 💙
I rocked my grand child Oliver tonight and I thought of you . For a moment it felt like we were doing it together. I promise to do it again and again, I know you will enjoy that. Thank you for all your gifts .
🙏
Oh my courageous friend! I just cannot imagine a world without you. Without cancer, yes, but not you. You hold a special place in my heart always. I will always treasure the time we had together. I was so looking forward to our traveling together & sharing meals. I was at the very least looking forward to cooking together one more time. My heart is so broken, but I promise to follow all your good, solid, appreciated advice. I love you always!
Love you too🙏
Jackie –
Thank you for sharing your journey with us as it has been of great value.
I truly believe that while you may move on from this life that you will not be gone. You will be in the hearts and bodies of your children. You will be in the raising of your children and their children’s children. You will be in their laughter and in their eyes following a lifelong pattern you have set before them. You will be in their caring and in their strength. You are in the minds of all of us who have known you and who you have influenced. When those you love search their hearts for good memories they will know that you are not gone.
May God bless you and your family, especially in the difficult days ahead.
Ty🙏
Your grace, strength and perseverance have been inspiring. We are all better to have known you. Your legacy is vast with your books, blogs, and wonderful family and friends. I wish you peace my friend.
Ty😘
Jackie, I’ve sat here and read and reread this in my streams of tears. In your 54 years, you have become a pillar in the community, in our church, and in the hearts of so many friends including me and my family…and still are while facing the next phase of your life. I’m in awe of your strength, your courage and your acceptance.
I wish you peace…painless peace. I know I speak for all of us as we are collectively holding you and your family deep in our hearts and prayers…and won’t ever let go.
I hope you do get to hug, eat and laugh with your father. And watch Grant & Sophie flourish from above.
I’m grateful for all the time I’ve spent with you, listening and learning from you; laughing and yoga-ing with you.
You are an amazing woman….thank you my friend xo Char
Oh Jackie, my heart is broken. I know I haven’t seen you in years but I have followed your journey from college on.
I do believe your dad will be there to greet you at the golden gates with a great big hug. I will help your family keep an eye on your mom.
We love you dear Jackie! There will definitely be a void in this world.❤️😘🙏🏻❤️
Xo
Jackie, I’m so sorry to hear this.. you are such an inspiration to everyone, you’ve given so much of yourself to help others, my love and thoughts are with you and your family and may God bless you always and into eternity, I will always think of you and will be reading your blogs over and over again, your journey is engraved in my heart in mind. I will remember the times that we were at the club playing golf and the times I’ve always seen your beautiful smiling face. Xo Karen
Xo
Jackie- YOU are LOVE.
❤️🙏
You are a remarkable woman. I have learned so much from your journey. Thank-you for sharing it with all of us. I don’t know what else to say, except, that I wish that all of your hopes and wishes come true.
Love,
Karla
Xo
I love you, beautiful lady. You’re in my heart forever.
Xo
Love you Aunt Jackie!
Love you too sweetheart
I’ll find a way to dance at your wedding❤️
With Nana
I bet she’ll even join you in a glass of wine!
I received your friend request, and hence access to your blog, in what turned out to be the day a dear friend of mine died far too young from Ovarian Cancer. I found enormous comfort, and hope for you and others, through your words. I am so sad that your journey here is done, but thank you for all you have given to others. I pray you will find peace and delights and answers on the other side, and thank you for your remarkably timed friend request. 🙏
🙏
Jackie, What a gift to the world you are! Your courage, grace and candor during this difficult journey has only cemented my impression of you and the extremely special person that you are. I can’t imagine solving the world’s problems without you, but your lessons on empathy will always guide me to at least try. I am praying for you, John and your children and wish you peace, comfort, abundant love and warm thoughts and memories. Love you much!
Love you too Randy
Jackie, holding your hands as you hold mine. Even though our grasp will part, your impact will not, Cheers to what comes to you in the next world. Your impact here will be forever. Much love and strength winging their way to you and your loved ones, Laura
Ty🙏
Your words, your brilliance, your wisdom and your courage will stay with me always. Xxoo Love, Lila
🙏xoxo
Dear Jackie…this is heartbreaking. I have been following you and sharing your blog to others fighting cancer. You have made an incredible contribution to fighting cancer and helping others and enlightening us all on cancer. I will cherish my memories of you and your family and pray for your peace. What an incredible human being you are! It’s hard to even put into words what I am thinking or to say the right things. Sending love, hugs, and prayers to you and your family. Xoxo
Ty🙏
Xoxo
Dear Jackie,
My heart breaks to hear this news. You have fought the good fight. It has been a privilege to know you. God bless you and your family. 🙏🏻
Diane
🙏
Jackie – You have made a lasting impact in this community and world – you built a beautiful family and community around you with insights and lessons that carry us all forward. Thank you for the blessing of you. Your time on earth is being cut way too short but your impact is deep and enduring. Much love to you and your family in the moments, hours and days ahead. Xoxoxo
Ty😘
Dear Jackie – you are a fierce, passionate, insightful truth teller – I have learned so much from you. Thank you for helping me (and many others) think about what matters in this world. And shed what does not. You have always conveyed that so clearly and with candor but never more than these past few years while we have watched your courageous and bold journey. I am praying for you and your family – we will all be there with you every step of the way. Much love, hugs and peace to you. XOXO
Ty xoxoxo
Clarity and courage.
I recall when you decided those many years ago to listen to young Sophie’s plea for your time. Who could have known then her prescience? But somehow your deep wisdom met hers and you said yes to her invitation to spend your days with her in love.
I recall your clarity and your courage in charting a different path–one that honored the first things, the deep and true things. I so admired you at that time for your clarity and your courage. I admired your audacity in claiming what mattered the most.
And here you are at the last- continuing to spend yourself in love right up to and through your final days, however these might unfold.
Another wisdom calls out now, assuring that there is no need for fear, for nothing will separate us from love.
Clarity and courage. What a life. What a love.
Thank you, Jackie.
🙏Lisa
I’m good friends with Sophie from being in DuWop at Denison and she’s told me about you and your journey. You have raised such an amazing and compassionate daughter and I wanted to thank you for that. Sending love to you and the rest of your family <3
Ty so much Bree ❤️
Just saw your post fir the first time. You sure have a way with words. And so loved by many. Peace to you.
Ty
Jackie- I haven’t had many mentors in my life, but I’ve felt you are one. The way you mother, love, advocate, work…all of it I admire. Your fire for the truth, your courage in speaking it, your belief we can do better. All of these You inspire me to continue to do. I think we will always want more time. I wanted more with my Ethan. But in his death we still have a powerful relationship. I believe our relationships continue. I’m not sure exactly what it’s like either. I believe your love and spirit will still be. I know I will access it often.
Say hello to Ethan -of course after you see your Dad. Love is forever. It’ has to be. We will carry your legacy. See you soon, Jackie. May our love carry you to the other side.
🙏🙏🙏
Jackie,
For those of us quietly following you, your journey, your words, you have exuded a deep love that is not often found in this world. Your courage inspires beyond words. We fought for life – a whole life – with you in our thoughts and prayers. You are giving us gifts even as you have given your whole self. May you find peace and love beyond all human understanding as you continue your journey into the next realm. You always will be with us in love. May God hold you and your family close.
Ty🙏
Jackie, I’m so very sorry to hear that your courageous battle is coming to an end but I’m so inspired by your courage to fight this horrific battle and I can only imagine how proud yet devastated your family must be. At least you will leave them knowing you did literally everything you could do and to set an example for your amazing children. I admire your courage, strength and love that you’ve clearly exemplified throughout your life. May you be joined with your dad in as peacefully as a transition as possible. Much love to all of you.
Ty🙏
I will always remember your style and grace! While it’s been many years since I’ve seen you; I’ll always remember the kindness you showed me.
Ty😘
Jackie, I’ve sensed this day was coming from your most recent posts, but I’m still so, so sorry to hear your cancer fight is coming to an end. Your writing – and your very being – throughout this time has been nothing short of amazing. I hope some of your blogs will find a place in the second book – they have been written with such eloquence. You’ve demonstrated grace and grit throughout your battle. Even in their sadness, John, Sophie, and Grant must be – and will continue to be – incredibly proud of the way you have fought.
I wish you peace and comfort in your final days, and joy on the other side.
It has been an honor knowing you, and I’m so glad our paths first crossed almost 30 years ago. You will be in my heart.
Ty JR🙏
Be well
God bless you Jackie. You’ve always been so vibrant and inspiring. I will try to follow and help your children. Go to God.
Ty🙏
Sending you so much love and holding you, John, Sophie and Grant in my thoughts. Your strength and grace are a true inspiration. I hope you find that pizza and red wine. ❤️❤️❤️
Ty🙏
Oh Jackie – such a sad note in so many ways but even at this stage you manage to inspire. I’m so grateful for getting to spend time and learn from you 25 years ago and now in recent times getting to learn from your wise words through your blog. You have been so incredibly generous in sharing through the toughest of times. I’ve learned so much and energised now to play some role in sowing the seeds of how the super power of empathy can and must be unlocked in more of us.
I hope your body now gets some reast but I have no doubt your soul and spirit will remain an incredibly positive and powerful force for good.
I dont know if you can fathom just how much of a difference you have made and will continue to make. I know your family will get some comfort from that but you will be missed so much.
Sending all my love to you,
Thank you
Aileen
Thanks so much Aileen 🙏❤️
Jackie,
You will always be an inspiration. Thank you for your compassion in the face of your own challenge. You have proven to be an empathetic, fact-base problem solver focused on continuous learning and sharing your wisdom to selflessly help others.throughout your journey. You have lived and loved well. It is an honor to know you and be your friend. You have earned your peace.
Ty Jeff 🙏
Dear Jackie
I will always remember meeting you lively in vietnam 2012 and all your sharing about empathy since then
Jackie, I am so lucky to know and meet you
Send you a lot of love from Vietnam
Hiep
Xoxo
You have been so full of love, courage, wise insights, and compassion, ever since I met you when you first moved to Cleveland. You have transformed your own personal journey into a gift to others who suffer, particularly those with cancer. Your love will live on forever.
Ty
Xo
I don’t feel I ever got the chance to know you, nor really take you in.
I want to thank you for your sharing, trusting and going your own way on this journey, navigating life and death decisions and determining what your truth is amongst a sea of opinion, data and information to sort through. Learning to listen to the inner Being is perhaps the true journey for us all. It sounds like you have found that voice, and that you have shared it with the world and despite your ravaged physique, may be truly healed.
I look forward to reading your book and trust that it will enlighten us all on how to improve our process to serve those with this difficult diagnosis even better.
Ty
Dear Jackie – I only met you recently at book club and immediately was drawn to your charisma and spirit. I was not familiar with your story until we talked very briefly that night at Lauren’s house. You clearly have left a remarkable legacy with your family and friends. I admire your courage and strength and wish you peace on your next journey. May God and the universe bless you and your family as you take these next steps. Thank you for your inspiration.
Ty🙏
Dear Sweet Jackie,
Bask now in the warm glow of admiration and love from your countless friends.
• Friends who themselves have been warmed by your laugh and your smile
• Friends who are inspired by your courage and perseverance
• Friends who are better people because of you – who see more clearly and feel more deeply because of your insights
• Friends who wish they could somehow be more like you
• Friends who are proud to say, “I know Jackie Acho; she’s my friend.”
Love,
Mike & Nancy Marn
Thank you Mike and Nancy
Much love to you
Jackie,
You are courage and grace personified. You have touched and inspired so many people and will continue to do so. I’m sending love and hugs to you and your family.
My heart is so heavy right now but as Thich Naht Hahn wrote:
“Let us say goodbye, to meet again soon.
We will meet again tomorrow . We will meet at the source of every moment. We will meet each other in all forms of life.”
❤️
❤️🙏❤️🙏
Jackie – I am grateful for the few moments that I have been able to share with you in person and for you sharing your journey which makes us all stronger. You are a gift and your light will continue to shine. Much Love.
Ty🙏
Dear Jackie,
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Love and peace,
Diane
🙏
I am so sorry to read this, Jackie. I wish you peace in your transition. Your legacy will live on. I will continue to advocate for compassionate cancer care in the best ways I know how. Your fight has not been in vain.
Ty🙏
Jackie, I’ve been a lurker throughout your whole journey you’ve been so gracious and generous to share with the world. Just a few words to let you know a bit of additional legacy you leave, as your blogs were read regularly and discussed with me and my husband, marveling at your ingenuity, your tenacity, and your dedication to life and health. Who knew we’d be returning to your words again as we now support a newly diagnosed terminally ill family member. As you are surrounded by your loving family and friends I thought you might feel a bit of pride from knowing how far and how strong your words and strength are to others who’ve only intersected your life for a moment. Thank you for everything you have unknowingly given our family. Love you!!
🙏❤️
Safest of travels Jackie. I hope it’s all you hope. ❤️
Ty🙏
Dear Jackie, I remember the day we met 20+ years ago and am beyond saddened to read this. I am not good with words but want to share this. Wishing you peace and calm. Much love, Jutta
If every single person who has liked you in your
lifetime, were to light up on a map, it would create
the most glitteringly beautiful network you could
imagine. Throw in the strangers you’ve been kind
to, the people you’ve made laugh, or inspired
along the way and that star-bright network of
you would be an impressive sight to behold.
You’re so much more than you think you are. You
have done so much more than you realise. You’re
trailing a bright pathway that you don’t even
know about. What a thing. What a thing indeed.
Donna Ashworth
Beautiful
Ty🙏
Jackie – thank you for sharing your journey (and all of your professional work too) even though you did not have to do so. You have given me and so many others so much to think about and carry forward. Peace and love to you and your family.
🙏